I heART the Word

Illustrations of God's Word through my passion and obedience. Rough sketches and canvas paintings.

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More room in my hiding place.

I’m honestly sad. Hurt. I keep telling myself I shouldn’t be, but I am what I feel. The reason I call myself emotional. Wish I was more rational and logical. But being rational and logical would turn me into a person I am wholly not. I replay the words, thoughts, incidents, happenings, and insecurities in the mind, hoping it’ll soon make sense to me. If it makes sense, then my pride will let me free from this sadness, this hurt. 

If I’ve forgiven, then why does my heart still ache? Shouldn’t I be at peace? I was forgiven, but I didn’t know I had reason to even partake in an exchange of apologies. 

I guess I just need to tell myself to let down my pride. I have to believe that God’s grace is true and real and for any and all who believe. I have to know that we are all humanly flawed, I, the worst. 

I’ll say it here, I forgive you because I was first forgiven by my Father, whom I’ve wronged a million times over. I should always be ready to forgive and hope and pray to be forgiven as well. 

Permalink imagebuffet: Matisse
Permalink word.
Permalink “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” (Mark 1:17 NIV) -Inspired by Max Pechstein.
Permalink I have to share. God is so deeply alive. His movement is undetectable to those who are blind. But to those whom he has given sight to, let them see. He does this beyond my awareness. But, he reveals himself to me when I least expect it. God, your are my hands and feet, and you will be my path. Let your creativity and visions flow out of me. I pray for more deepness. A stronger will to surpass my initial response to convictions, and a faith that runs deep as your roots. You are alive in me. Holy Spirit, the Father, and the Son, you always appear in my work. Keep on revealing yourself, Lord.
Permalink Here’s the original. It’s kinda distorted bc I took the picture of it at an angle.
Permalink I’m free to be me and not feel afraid. I love this painting. Van Gogh captured his room in a painting without abusing the use of color or grueling realism. That is simply what I love about his paintings. Van Gogh was my favorite because he was not afraid to think and paint outside the lines. In this particular painting he plays with perspective and the over emphasis of angles and views like the chairs, the picture frames, and even the bed. It could be that that’s how he interpreted his room and the things that were in it, or it could be that he simply wanted the painting to perfectly imperfect. Even though Van Gogh has long passed, I’m learning new things from him. I thank God for bringing people like him to inspire the generations after. I’ve been struggling with art.. With wanting to continue and to take my passion and desire for art to a new level. But I’ve been feeling inadequate skill wise, and unable to translate my life into color and art. Aside from art, I’ve been struggling with the issue of wanting to impress the world, and more directly my family. I’ve been feeling too ashamed to share the word of God spoken into my heart to people, because I feel like what I think or feel doesn’t matter.. I feel little and unimportant. In a bigger sense, with my life, goals, passion, and art, how am I going to make an impact? How will God’s will be fulfilled? So, what does all this have to do with this remake of Van Gogh’s painting? This room, so simple seemed so sweet to me. I wrote, “My room. Where I feel the most comfortable falling asleep. I find myself being my truest self. Crying, screaming, dreaming, drawing, praying, talking, wondering, and crawling up into a ball. I can cry and no one has to know, I can smile at thoughts without someone looking at me and thinking I’m crazy. I’m free to be me and not feel afraid.” I’ve had so many revelations in my room, I’ve had some crazy prayer sessions in my room, I’ve witnessed my dad and sister receive spiritual gifts in my room, I conversed with God in my room, I’ve painted my favorite paintings in my room, I closed the door and turned off my lights to cry alone in my room, I’ve fallen asleep to my most wonderful sleeps in my room, I’ve cleaned and reorganized my room and then made a mess within a day in my room, I’ve received terrors of God’s judgement and have fallen at the knowledge of his grace in my room, I’ve received visions and dreams unimaginable in my room, and I’ve fallen in love with God because he has given me a place of intimacy with him in this room. I’m free… To be me.. And not feel afraid. This room Van Gogh painted seems at first glance ordinary, but I see a story behind each paint stroke, color, and line. He was confident in his work and ability, and he wasn’t afraid to bend and stretch the rules. I can’t imagine him thinking about what people will think of his work as he painted.. That’s just too much stress and it’s USELESS. I was brought to this word, “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” Proverbs 29:25. My confidence is in the work and skill of God’s hands. So, like I am in my room, may I not be ashamed or afraid. For my life is in him who loved me first and always.
Permalink Joshua 10: 12&13, 23-27
Permalink Ecclesiastes 10:4
Permalink Joshua 8: 1&28-29 1 Then the LORD said to Joshua, “Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Take the whole army with you, and go up and attack Ai. For I have delivered into your hands the king of Ai, his people, his city and his land. 2 You shall do to Ai and its king as you did to Jericho and its king, except that you may carry off their plunder and livestock for yourselves. Set an ambush behind the city.” 28 So Joshua burned Ai[b] and made it a permanent heap of ruins, a desolate place to this day. 29 He impaled the body of the king of Ai on a pole and left it there until evening. At sunset, Joshua ordered them to take the body from the pole and throw it down at the entrance of the city gate. And they raised a large pile of rocks over it, which remains to this day. I know this is a bit dark, but it’s still a part of the bible and is still equally important. In the previous chapter the Israelites were punished because they did not follow God’s words. So, he allowed the city of Ai to defeat the Israelites. But after repentance and circumcision (I know..grown men..) God brought them out of their defeat and sent them to destroy Ai like they destroyed Jericho. This is part of their journey to reach the promised land, and to also demolish any cities infested with sin and darkness.